The clue to affecting people.
A key point to affect people and influence them is to start with where they are before you try to take them to where you want them to go. Meet people where they are and you´ll soon persuade them to get where you whant them to be.
Pieces to the communication challenge
1. Identification. Rapport. The challenge is to identify with somebody that is not like you. To get the saying "Me too", "I understand", "I’ve be there too". So that someone identifies with what you say. You don’t want people to react with “so what”. Learn to express, not impress. Sincerity, from the hearth. Impress builds a crack, express builds a bridge. Identification is building a bridge. Share something you have in common with them. The clue is to start where they are before trying to take them where you want them to be. Start where somebody is. Have you ever asked yourself how can you identify with a child? There is an enormous generation gap. 1. Remember when you were 12, go back. Re live that, let it hit you and hurt you, you got to be moved and touched. 2. Read all their books, do your homework. You can meet somebody in a book. Check the common seeing in books. Identification, what makes you real, show people your failures, the hard times, the bad days to identify with them and later show them your successes. Beware of using inside lingo in the outside world. Shift gears into appropriate word choice depending on your audience. Choose the right words and phrases according to who you are talking to. Identify with the sorrow by recalling your own sorrow, identify with your joy by recalling your own joy, identify with the difficulty by rehearsing your own difficulty, go back over your own life, Your circumstances, your experiences, become more educated in using the intensity to wave into your next conversation to persuade somebody.
2. Logic and reason. Part of any presentation is the logic and reasonable part, the facts, but beware not to cover too much facts. We need just enough logic and reason so that it starts to make sense not so you understand it all. You don’t need a thousand facts to decide about an automobile, you just need a dozen. Most decision are made emotionally. The key is to be brief with logic, reasons, facts. Too much is too much. It needs to be powerful and factual but brief. Brief, logic and reasonable.
3. Learning to attack the problems. It´s so important to mount an effective attack for problems. Attack the problem but not the person. Attack and confess, use yourself as example one. Use third parties as well but first confess yourself. Things to attack:
- Procrastination. Putting it off, delay, letting it slide, (I know the pain and regrets that comes from procrastination, I can show you pieces of my life missing never to be repaired because I let it slide) if we all had studied our own life first we can use ourselves as a good example so that you can help people to attack their problems. Showing them how insidious it can become, how devastating it can be your life and what will be missing if they let it slide. Go after the insidious. The thinks I once hated I now love, the things I once loved I know hate. It’s important to incorporate love and hate in the same sentence. Don’t say what´s wrong with you instead of what is troubling you? The dilemma is to attack the problem not the person. Show your contempt for the problem and your concern for the value. I love you, but I hate what you are doing and what it is doing to me. Make the insidious as devastating as it should be and make the opportunity as bright as it could be. How much we hate the wrong in order to develop the good. You must hate the weed to go and kill it. If someone is going after some treasure and some value, you must go after with a high hateful attempt by word by language by emotion to get the job done to illustrate the evil and the possibility of good. If you want to stand your rich you just have to engage, in the confrontation is where the values are. All values must be one by contest. And after they been one they must be defended. Secure the territory by vigor and defend it with equal challenge.
- Blame. I used to blame my negative relatives, government, taxes, prices. It cost too much, no, the problem is that you cant afford it, its not “it” the true problem, is “you” the problem.
- Excuses. We got a million excuses. I´m too short, tall, young, I don’t have the money, the experience. Tools of last resort. A direct attack. Scolding (don’t use insinuations). Sarcasm. Don’t operate a hearth with a hatchet. The more you care, the stronger you can be. They don’t mind you becoming sharp or powerful. The more you care, the stronger you can be. It shows by the emotional content that you really care.
4. Solution. Painting results in advance. Borrowing from the future. If you can´t see the future it makes today desperate. Why bother to learn the skill and pay the price and going through all the trials of growing and learning and changing if there is no future, if there is no problem. Paint for ourselves the future, results in advance borrowing for the future, bringing it to the present and using it as an incentive to go get the job done, learn the skill and putting the skill to work. What makes the farmer work all the spring? Their vision of the harvest. If the promise isn’t clear, why to put the effort? All we have to do is to see the promise clearly enough and we will do some amazing things.
Passion, emotion, beliefs, convictions if you learn to articulate those well from a lifetime of experience even with some misgivings, not knowing it all, with a sense of humility its that flow of emotion what finally seal the point in the final art of persuasion.